I Have Ugly Eyes
by sourpatchsofie
Summary: The two boys share a kiss one night at a party. Then they share more than just kisses, feelings develop, and things come quickly crashing down when unsettled issues from their past get in the way.
1. Chapter 1

"Aye, Furuhashi, we should kiss."

"Hara, you're drunk."

"Yeah," he hiccupped, then laughed, "And you're cute. Kiss me."

Furuhashi stared back at the other boy, eyebrow raised, but he didn't notice; Between the darkness of the room and the hair that covered over his eyes he really couldn't see much.

They were at a house party, courtesy of Hara, who decided that the club never did anything fun and dragged them all for a night out. Hanamiya and Seto had already left hours ago. Hanamiya got into a fight with one of the football players and got himself kicked out. Seto took the opportunity to leave as well, using the excuse that he needed to make sure Hanamiya got home safe, but he really just wanted to be able to go back home to sleep. Yamazaki was still here, but he had some girl rubbing her ass against his dick on the makeshift dance floor in the basement and couldn't give less of a fuck what the other two boys were doing.

Furuhashi would have left, but he felt bad leaving Hara alone with Yamazaki. Not because he was afraid Hara would have been lonely, but because he knows without someone monitoring him, Hara would have done fucking acid or something.

Furuhashi could handle when Hara drank and when he smoked pot, the whole team did that stuff, but seeing Hara fall any harder into drugs bugged him a bit.

"You don't know what you're saying. I think it's time to go home." Furuhashi got up and put out his hand to help the other boy up, but Hara grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down to the couch. When Furuhashi tried to get back up, Hara threw one of his legs over the boy's legs, straddling him down.

"I am serious dude."

And he sounded serious, so serious that Furuhashi's rather emotionless face turned a slight shade of pink.

"I'm not gonna kiss you. I'm not a faggot."

"Alright then, don't kiss me, but I am gonna kiss you." And before Furuhashi had the chance to push him off, Hara kissed him.

He tasted like bubblegum, his lips were soft, and it was nice, nicer than Furuhashi had expected. So, despite having just said that he wasn't gonna kiss him, he did, and Hara smiled.

"So much for not being a fag, fag." Hara eventually teased, when they had retreated for breath. Furuhashi rolled his eyes and continued kissing him, grabbing him by the waist intensifying the experience.

This was the first time anything happened between the too Basket Ball players, but it wasn't the last.

~x~

"You know, I've known you for years, we've fucked like 3 times, and I still have never seen your eyes." The two boys were lying in bed, naked, dripping in sweat, still mildly affected by a post fuck daze.

This was the first time the subject had ever been brought up.

"Yeah." Hara usually was much more lively when he spoke, but this wasn't something he wanted to be talking about. Furuhashi noticed, but ignored it, he wanted to talk about this. He needed to.

"Why? I've seen every part of you. What's so bad about your eyes that I can't see them?" _They can't be worse than mine._ He wanted to say. He didn't.

The answer flashed in Hara's mind, but he just shrugged.

"Seriously though, I have had my tongue in your ass," Furuhashi deadpanned. Hara laughed. It was true.

"Oh my God, don't say gay shit like that."

"Really, Hara? You say gross shit all the time."

"Yeah, I know, but it's weird when it comes out of your mouth. Especially when you say it with such a blank expression." Hara continued laughing, he didn't notice the slight drop in Furuhashi's face.

"Whatever."

~x~

 _"I hate my eyes."_

 _"Why is that, darling? You have beautiful eyes. So many people would be jealous." His mother says, not turning away from her work._

 _"Yeah, you are gonna get all the ladies with those when you grow up." His father adds, taking a sip of his espresso. The boy thought girls were gross, but he didn't say anything about that. It wasn't the time._

 _"Nobody else has eyes like mine. Not anybody at school, not any of my friends, not you mama, or you papa, and not brother either. I'm weird." The small boy pokes at his eyes, jerking his face away from his fingertips when his eyes begin burning and watering._

 _"You're not weird. Now drop this nonsense. Did some one say something to you? I can call the school." His mother finally looks at him._

 _She says he is not weird, but in a country that is 98% Japanese, he is weird. In a family that was Japanese, and looked Japanese, the adopted little boy was weird. But she wasn't going to say anything about that now, not while he was so young, so vulnerable._

 _"You don't have to call the school," he didn't want to be known as a snitch, "Never mind."_

 _"Son, if anyone is saying something to you, just knock 'em around a lil' bit. Be tough and they will leave you alone."_

 _And he did. He fought them. He fought all the kids who teased him for looking different. All the kids who said his glowing green eyes were creepy. He fought and he fought, until he couldn't fight anymore. Until his body ached, until he'd jump at loud noises, until he couldn't look at anyone in the eyes with out the anxiety and fear of being attacked, he had kept fighting, but he reached his limit, so he hid. He grew his hair out to cover his eyes and people began leaving him alone. He discovered his shield, it wasn't until he met Hanamiya that he found his sword, and it wasn't until he met Furuhashi that he found his heart._

 _~x~_

"Koijuro."

"Yes, Kazuya?"

The sound of their first names on their tongues was funny. To get used to it they tried saying their names as much as possible. The rest of the team thought it was annoying, but it was their little inside joke and their team wasn't around right now to say anything. It was just the two of them, walking home from the arcade.

"I think I love you."

The world stopped moving. Furuhashi's eyes grew wide and his face flushed.

He wasn't the kind of person that people loved.

"I don't believe you."

"I'm not joking, Koijuro"

"You are always joking, Kazuya."

"Not this time." The boy blew a bubble and kept walking.

The other just stood there, until words began falling out of his mouth.

"Then look me in the eyes and say it."

It was Hara's turn now to stop and look at the other with disbelief.

He was being put to the test. He didn't like it.

"Not now. Not here."

The sound of cars driving by was the only thing that could be heard. Furuhashi nodded in acceptance.

~x~

" _Guys, let's play zombies! Furuhashi will be the zombie."_

 _He was always the zombie._

 _"You guys remember the rules, right? He's gonna chase us and if you get tagged you become a zombie too. Okay?"_

 _All the kids nodded._

 _"I don't wanna be the zombie."_

 _"Oh, common Furu, it's more realistic when you're the zombie." Another one of the boys chimed in._

 _"Yeah! I mean you practically are one." And another one._

 _"Have you looked in the mirror? Your look dead." And another one._

 _"Oh my Gosh! What if he is a zombie?" And another one._

 _"He has to be! Look at those eyes!" And another one._

 _And all the kids began screaming and ran away._

" _But guys, I am a human too."_

 _No one heard him._

 _So he cried. He cried and cried, until his face hurt and the skin around his eyes swelled, but when he walked away from the playground, no one went chasing after him._

 _He walked into the school and found the bathroom; he needed to see if they were right. He knew he was a human, but what if he wasn't? What if he just thought that he was?_

 _He looked into the mirror. His eyes looked back at him, tinted pink from the tears, but showing no sign of life. It really was as if he were dead._

 _He began shaking. The other kids were telling the truth. He wasn't human. He became scared of himself._

 _And so the little zombie boy was left all alone, making sure he kept his distance from all humans. He didn't want them to turn into a zombie because of him._

 _But when Hara had kissed him, he couldn't help but become a little selfish. He was willing to take the risk, but in the end it just blew up in his face._

 _~x~_

Beautiful green orbs reflected off blank grey mirrors.

"I wasn't joking. I really do love you." The green orbs smiled. They truly loved.

Furuhashi turned red again, but this time not because of mutual feelings.

"What the fuck, Hara?" He could see the happiness get replaces by fear in his partner's eyes. He was so easy to read when exposed like this.

He dropped his shield back over his face

"What?"

"You're eyes are fucking beautiful." Hara smiled and relaxed, "Why would you ever want to cover those up? Are you stupid?"

"It's just that- " Hara began explaining, but Furuhashi interrupted.

"All my life, I would have killed for eyes like yours, but instead I have these pieces of shit stuck in my skull." Furuhashi got up from Hara's bed. He was visibly angry and for the first time since Hara was a child, he was genuinely scared.

"I like your eyes," his voice quivered.

"Liar. You're just a fucking liar Hara. And here I thought that maybe we were the same, but we aren't. Fuck you! Do you know how much happier I would be if I were you? All you'd need to do is cut your stupid hair and everyone would be all over you. You wouldn't need to be with some freak like me!" This was the most expression Furuhashi has ever shown, at least since he cried on the playground that one day.

Hara snapped.

"No, fuck you Furuhashi!" He stood up, now at eye level with the other, "You at least look like you belong here. You look the people around you. You look like your family does. Me? I am the freak. Find one other person around that looks like I do in this entire country. You fucking can't. Don't act like you're the only one with fucking issues and don't you dare take out that bullshit on the people who actually fucking care about you!"

And silence.

The two stared at each other, thoughts flying a mile a minute.

They have known each other for years and have fucked more times than ether of them can count. Furuhashi saw Hara's eyes and Hara saw Furuhashi emote. But this is the first time that they have ever fought with one another.

And neither of them knew whether they'd ever be able to make up. Their own self worth too shallow to even fill their own hearts, let alone each other's.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hara residence, how may I help you?" A mockingly high-pitched voice spoke over the phone.

"I'm here. Get your ass outside." A significantly more annoyed voice responded.

"Got it, got it. I'll be right there!"

Despite the urgency that Hara added to his tone, he made no effort to keep Yamazaki from waiting outside of his home.

He shuffled around his room, throwing some clothing on, hoping they matched and sprayed himself with some Febreze to mask the obvious smell of smoke and alcohol that had seeped into his skin, clothes, hair, and literally anything that had resided in his room for the past few weeks. Anything that fell victim to the backlash of Furuhashi's harsh words and Hara's torn up heart.

Before he stepped out the door he eyed a half empty bottle of whiskey that he had left sitting on his dresser. Falling victim to its call, he chugs it down, tears forming in his eyes and the alcohol burning its path down his throat.

As he broke away from the kiss with the glass bottle, he coughed at the bitter taste, threw its empty body into the trashcan, basketball style, and walked out the door.

When he got outside and the smell of fresh air reached his lungs, he instantly felt his stomach turn as the ground spun beneath him.

He moved quickly to the vehicle he grew to associate with his new, 'party pal' (a term that Hara came up with for Yamazaki when he was in a less than right state of mind). This association has gotten so strong at this point that Hara will actually get into the party mood whenever he sees a shitty Honda that was made sometime in the 90's, regardless of whether or not it was the appropriate model.

He jumped into the car as gracefully as he could and shut the door behind him.

"Took you long enough."

"Sorry, I couldn't find my shoes."

"You're a mess, kid." Hara laughed it off, "Speaking of, I brought some shit to kick off the night." He whips out a small bag of pills out of his pocket and shakes it out in front of him.

"Oh my god, you're the best Yamazaki. I love you!" He reached out and grabbed the other boy by the sides of his face, planting a quick kiss to his lips before attempting to snatch the ziplock from his hands.

"Gross, I'm not fish boy," Yamazaki wiped his lips with the back of his hands as if that would remove the stain of Hara's lips from his before continuing, "and I don't trust you with the whole bag."

Hara pouted, holding out his hands in front of him, creating a little bowl for the pills to be dispensed in. Yamazaki placed a few colorful capsules in the makeshift hand bowl and Hara's pout vanishes. He threw them back and swallowed them dry.

Yamazaki rolls his eyes and takes his dose before turning the volume loud and driving away, wind blowing into their faces from the wide-open windows.

-x-

Furuhashi was always a very organized person. Everything had a place, that way, nothing could ever get lost and tasks could be done at an efficiency that would be impossible to maintain if he was constantly running around looking for things.

Many people's reaction to first seeing his space is that it looks like the room is staged. Like something out of an Ikea catalogue. It didn't look like anyone actually lived there. He didn't see use in having pictures up on the wall or senseless knick-knacks taking up space on his shelves. All he had were the essentials.

 _Hara said it made him seem mature. That's a compliment right?_ Furuhashi played with that idea for a while before he realized he was thinking about Hara again. Hara was messing up his organization.

Much like his room, Furuhashi's mind was very specifically organized. When participating in one activity he put most of his mental energy on focusing on that one thing, but always left certain portions of his thoughts on other things and those portions are chosen and planned with specific reasons that he could not deter from.

Accept for now. Hara was taking up all of his resources. The poor boy couldn't even eat without thinking Hara. _He always is such a loud eater. I blame it on his bubble gum chewing._

To compensate for this lack of focus, Furuhashi spent even less time on himself and even more time on everything else, if that was even at all possible with his already insane schedule. This meant, no eating, no sleeping, no playing Trivial Pursuit with Seto and Hanamiya. _No listening to Hara talk about something senseless for hours on the phone._

Fuck, how much he wished Hara would just call him.

And just like that his phone rang.

"Hello?" Furuhashi asked questioningly into the phone. He knew the call was coming from Hara's phone, but there was still doubt that it was actually Hara calling. It could be a butt dial, a prank call, literally anything; so when Furuhashi heard Hara's voice in the phone something in him relaxed, but then immediately tensed up when he realized that the likely chance Hara was calling to ramble about something stupid and absolutely adorable was very slim.

"Fuuruuuuuu~"

"Hm?"

"I miss you," Hara began, in a voice that Furuhashi was more familiar with than he'd care to admit, "Where are you?"

"That's what I should be asking you." Hara just responded by laughing, hiccupping, and then laughing again, "Seriously Hara, how much did you drink?"

"I mean it's been a couple days. I don't know."

"What do you mean a couple days?"

"Woooow, everything is sooo colorful. Isn't life beautiful?"

"Hara."

"Yes?"

"What else did you take?"

Hara just answered by laughing again.

"This isn't a joke." Furuhashi must have said in a voice that was a little more aggressive than he liked, but he just didn't have the patients for when Hara was like this.

"You're so mean. All I wanted to do is love you? Why is that so hard for you?"

Now that stung.

"Hara please, tell me where you are."

"Just so you can yell at me? No way." Hara pouted.

"I won't yell at you. Tell me where you are."

"Liar."

"I am not‑" Furuhashi started to defend.

"What do you mean you're not? Everything you do is a lie. Everything we were was a lie."

Furuhashi probably would have started arguing back at this claim, but the hopeless tone to Hara's voice put a brake on his vocal cords. Hara wasn't yelling at him, but finally thinking about things through in his head, at least to the best of his ability based on the state that he was in, and it was like everything came crashing down.

"Furuhashi?" His name didn't roll off of Hara's tongue like it once did, it was broken and he couldn't stand to hear it. In that moment, he didn't want to be Furuhashi anymore.

"Yes?"

"I am gonna find away to make you love me, okay?" and before the opposing party had the chance to ask anymore questions, Hara hung up the phone.

Furuhashi just sat there a moment. Torn apart with the conversation he just had. Self-hatred poured through his veins and scratched at his nerves. This was all his fault.

Before now, for all he knew, Hara was fine. He didn't seem too torn up when they saw each other in school. If anything Furuhashi thought that Hara was handling it much better than he was.

But it must have just been the drugs that were pulling his lips into a smile.

 _The drugs. How much could Hara have taken? Is he going to be okay?_

And on that thought, Furuhashi put himself together and called one of the few people he knew that could help. He was on speed dial. Number 1. Hanamiya Makoto.

-x-

"Hey, Party Buddy." Hara leaned onto Yamazaki who was currently chatting a girl up, or at least was before Hara showed up.

"Dude, what's up? Wasn't I party pal before?"

"Doesn't matter. Where the bag?" Hara tried looking into Yamazaki's eyes to prove he was coming down to sobriety, despite being nowhere near there.

"My back pocket, but dude, you can't get too fucked up. We've got one of those stupid sunday afternoon practices with Hanamiya where he makes us do all that analysis stuff."

"Just one more, pretty please!" Hara begged, getting all wide eyes, despite no one being able to actually see his eyes anyways.

"Fine. Here." Yamazaki threw the bag over to him, and turned back over to the girl from before, leaving Hara to dispense the drugs himself.

"One for me," he said to himself, "One for Furuhashi, wherever he may be, and one for good luck!" Hara threw all three back at once, trying not to choke on any of them and then tucked the bag back into Yamazaki's back pocket.

Now _this_ was a high he could get used to.

-x-

This party had to be the lamest thing Furuhashi has ever seen. It was the kind of thing where you had to be fucked up to even remotely enjoy. Everyone was just in there own little world, the only thing connecting them was the smell of alcohol mixed with other various stomach acids that coated the floor, and the shitty EDM that was blaring over the house's built-in speakers.

He scanned the crowed for a familiar face and finally stumbled upon a familiar red head, "Yamazaki, where is Hara?"

"How did you know we were here?" He asked, dragging his hands from the air, down to a halt.

"I called Hanamiya and he tracked Hara down using his phone location." Hanamiya was some one that Furuhashi always admired, and it was for things like this.

"That's creepy as hell. Can he do that for all of us?"

"Who cares? Where's Hara?"

"He doesn't want to see you." Yamazaki turned away from the other boy defensively.

"He does, he just called me, now can you point me the way before I bash your head into the wall?" Furuhashi pushed Yamazaki's chest backwards, making him fall back into one of the people standing around behind him.

"Jeez, calm down, I think I saw him go upstairs. What are you so mad about?" Yamazaki called out, but Furuhashi was gone before he could even finish his sentence.

He rushed around the crowds of drunken people and eventually found the staircase that lead to where Hara was supposedly located. He opened every single door that there was on the upper level. Interrupting more intimate moments than he would have liked.

Eventually he made it to the door all the way at the end of the hall. It was slightly cracked open and he could here a voice mumbling to himself inside. He pushed the door open gently and observed what was going on inside.

There was Hara, topless, with his arms spread wide open as he let all of the wind blow Goosebumps onto his bare skin from the open window that was in front of him. He was looking off into the distance with his foot up on the windowsill as if he was preparing to jump off.

"Hara, What are you doing?" Furuhashi looked at the boy he loved with curiosity and slight fear.

"Oh my god, Furu!" Hara snapped out of his trance and turned his head to look at the origin of the voice, "I was on my way to go see you now. How did you know?"

"What are you doing by the window like that? Get down."

"The little fairy told me that if I flew over to your house now that you wouldn't hate me anymore." Hara smiled wide, so proud of himself, so genuinely happy at the idea of feeling loved, that it made Furuhashi's heart tighten.

"You can't fly Hara. You are a human, not a fairy," was all that could come out of the overly analytical boys mouth.

"I can fly. High up in the sky. I'll prove it to you, then you'll love me!"

"Hara, please, come here."

"No," he snapped, "you're just going to yell at me again. Let me prove it to you."

"Hara, I need you over here right now," Furuhashi demanded. _Why did he sound so angry?_

"See! You're still mad."

"I'm not mad."

"Yes you are, Furuhashi! You hate me, just like everyone else! The only way to get you to love me is if I can prove to you that I can fly!" He turned back over to the window, looking at the stars in the dark sky. If only he could touch them.

"I don't hate you Hara."

"Liar!" He called over his shoulder.

"Hara‑"

"Stop talking. I'm going now. When I come back, you'll truly love me." He put his foot back up on the windowsill and pushed himself upward, about to jump off and fly away, when he felt a hand grab onto his arm so hard it would bruise.

"Kazuya!" Furuhashi sobbed, "I love you, just please get down here." After a moment, he continued, "I'm scared. You can't do this."

"Furu?" Hara was speechless. He had seen Furuhashi mad, which, was an already shockingly huge amount of expression; but to see his eyes overflow with tears was something he just couldn't handle.

"Please Kazuya, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm so fucking sorry. I need you. Please," Furuhashi collapsed to the floor without letting go of Hara. He couldn't even if he wanted to.

Hara fell down with him from the sheer weight and force of the initial drop and onto Furuhashi's body. They just stayed like that. Sharing sobs between the two of them. Letting the moment fade far enough into the past that they could get off the adrenaline they were just on.

Eventually, Furuhashi was the first to collect himself and break the silence. He pushed his forehead onto Hara's. At this proximity he could see the bright green eyes nervously looking watching him.

"I love you Hara. You and your stupidly gorgeous eyes." Furuhashi's voice was slowly making its way back down to its normal deadpan tone, but the emotion from earlier still threaded through the syllables.

"Took you long enough dummy." Hara giggled and tried to tap Furuhashi on the chest playfully, but missed the first time and then poked way too hard the others, still not completely down from his high.

"I'm gonna take you home okay?"

Hara nodded, rubbing their foreheads together as a result.

"Okay, but can we go to your house. My room is all fucked up and yours is always much less crazy." Furuhashi smiled at the other boy, but after a while brought his face muscles down and signaled for Hara to get his ass off of him. He picked up on the cue and moved over so that Furuhashi could get up and reach his hand out to help the other get his wobbly self up.

"Where is your shirt? Why is it even off?" Furuhashi finally asked.

"Over here," He grabbed the t-shirt he had been wearing from a desk that was beside the window, "the fairy said the wings wouldn't grow if the shirt was in the way." Furuhashi rolled his eyes at the ridiculousness of the statement.

"I think we've both had enough crazy for one night." Furuhashi sighed as they both make their way out of the drug infested party and over to Yamazaki's car, where Hanamiya was sitting inside with a crossword puzzle.

"Took you long enough," he retorted as the two climbed into the vehicle.

"Okay, I know I am fucked up, but this is Yamazaki's car, right?" Hara panicked, worried that he was even more fucked up than he thought he was.

"Yeah, we are stealing his car so he doesn't drive home all fucked up." Furuhashi said, officially back to his normal state.

"But how'd you get his keys? He always keeps them in his pocket. I know, it's where he keeps his drugs too."

Both of the other boys ignored the last part of his comment, but Hanamiya eventually took it upon himself to answer the question, "It's not unusual for people to bump into each other at a party. Someone just happened to push Yamazaki into me while I was walking behind him, and I managed to take the keys without him noticing."

Hara sat there confused, not totally understanding the information that Hanamiya just gave him and Furuhashi just watched his brain try and put the pieces together, but before he was able to come to any reasonable conclusion, they both were consumed by asleep in the back seat of the stolen vehicle.


End file.
